Being Single

Is a gift. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Sometimes I bang my head against a plank and say that to myself a bazillion times (Monty Python reference). When I go on Facebook, it seems like every single one of my friends is either getting married or having a baby. Now let’s remind ourselves that this is mostly in the Christian world because marriage is still important…I could write a whole ‘nother blog (or 30) on the state of marriage in today’s culture but that isn’t the focus of today’s blog. So as a result of all this oooohing and ahhhhing over babies and gorgeous wedding dresses, I find myself in FOMO world…Fear of Missing Out. I’m convinced it’s one of the top 10 diseases in the U.S. right now…and I definitely have symptoms. I ask myself, “Am I enough without having a man by my side?” or “Why isn’t anyone pursuing me?” or “Am I called to be celibate?”. I hope you single friends can relate. Being single is HARD. BUT…I’ve been talking a lot to my married friends and apparently…marriage is HARD too. I think the bottom line is this: we are each called to specific roles at specific times and we need to give our all to who is present in our lives right now.

This week, I have experienced the beauty of singleness and seen the beauty of marriage as well. I’m currently in San Francisco (which is a great city-go and visit!). I came to California for a wedding and then decided to stay and explore a bit. The wedding was beautiful…but my heart was not in the right place. I was jealous. How can one of my good friends find a man so perfect for her and in love with her while I’ve only been on 2 dates total?? Ugh… I was pretty disgusted with myself. However, I took advantage of my singleness and traveled to San Francisco right away. And this week, I’ve experienced the blessings of singleness:

• spontaneously finding a place to stay Monday night for one independent woman
• my own spontaneous agenda every day
• biking all around the city at my own speed
• getting to meet strangers (homeless people, regular customers at cafes, other tourists)
• being flexible with my plans
• spontaneously hanging out with my cousin George and his friends

Nevertheless, the most fulfilling part of this week has been being able to serve my host family and observe them in action. I knew of them because we have a lot of the same connections in Philadelphia, and they have invited me into their family life this week. I’ve seen the cuddles and fights, heard the whining and begging, and stepped in cat’s puke this morning. But more importantly, I’ve been able to watch the parents love their children with a love greater than themselves. The father works hard to support his family, and when he’s home, he gives his wife and kids all his attention. The mother spends all of her energy addressing every issue, treating every wound, settling every argument, feeding every mouth, and listening to every child. This family is awesome, and I hope to raise my kids like this someday. But it’s not easy, and I’ve found myself being grateful for the time I have as a single person. In fact, the reason I started this blog today was because I knew the mother of three had an article to write for tomorrow and if she can raise three kids and still write, I can certainly make time to write!

Our time is precious, but it’s not our time; it’s God’s. After much excitement the last couple days, I decided to take an easy day today. I ate breakfast at a local cafe, listened to an older woman talk for an hour, strolled along the beach, and read at the library. I had planned on doing three of those things, but I definitely had not planned on listening to an older Korean woman tell me her thoughts on marriage and the Osbournes and her Chinese boyfriend. But you know what? Giving up my time for her was worth it. I got the chance to tell her she was beautiful and deserved a man who would appreciate her and respect her. Maybe no one has told her that before!

After the library, I ended up heading back to the house much earlier than I thought. Why? I wanted to be with the family. I wanted to help out where I could and hope to ease some stress off the mother’s shoulders. So I went home and did exactly that. I played with the baby, set the table, and did the dishes. I tell you this not to brag, but to show that our life is not our own. We were meant to give ourselves away.

Let me repeat that: we were meant to give ourselves away. And guess what? Being single, we have more time and energy to be able to do that for others! So, if you are in your 20’s and 30’s and watching Netflix every night and hooking up with strangers every weekend, STOP IT. You’re not becoming a better person, and you are worth way more than that. Go find someone to listen to or buy a homeless person a burger and talk with them. Get involved with a local ministry. And believe me, you DO have time.

I am single but I am still a complete person. I just get to pour myself out to more people.